


The Great Unknown

by SeemaG



Series: Tightrope [10]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s01e05 Phage, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:40:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeemaG/pseuds/SeemaG
Summary: Three months ago, Kes was a prisoner of the Kazon. Now as a member of Voyager's crew, she has journeyed further than any Ocampan and she knows she needs to make some decisions about her future.
Relationships: Kes/Neelix (Star Trek)
Series: Tightrope [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797067
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	The Great Unknown

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Rocky for the awesome beta.

The pots clattered and clanged as Kes returned them to their designated places on the shelf. The Mess Hall had nearly emptied in the last hour as most of the dinner crowd had dissipated and there were only a few people still left – Freddy Bristow chatting with Pablo Baytart and William Chapman at a table to the left and then on the opposite side of the room, a group of Maquis – Gerron, Dalby, Chell, Suder and Jonas – spoke in low tones, head bent. Kes wiped down the counters just as Tom Paris entered the room; he went directly to the replicators, ordered his food, and then selected a table by the windows, equidistant between the two groups.

Kes put the cleaning cloth down and scrutinized the kitchen. The cooking area was newly converted from the captain’s private dining room, and Neelix was immensely proud of his efforts. He had left her with very precise instructions on cleanup and storage – both cooking utensils as well as food - and Kes was sure she had followed his instructions precisely. Her promise to do so, and to make sure things were running smoothly in his absence, had been the only reason why Neelix had reluctantly agreed to take some additional time to fully recover from the lung transplant; he’d already been dismayed by the fact that he’d been unable to attend to his duty because he’d been confined to Sickbay for several days while using the holographic lungs. But with Kes’ assurance, he had accepted her offer to handle everything on his behalf. Now it was just a question of picking up a few dishes that had been left behind on tables. A few more minutes and her work here would be done.

She stopped near Tom’s table to pick up two empty cups and a bottle of hot sauce. It always surprised her how the officers could manage to take entire trays of food back to the recycler, but still manage to leave something behind. She was still contemplating that when Tom’s voice interrupted her. 

“Hey Kes,” Tom said. He put his spoon down, his smile warm and welcoming.

“Hi. You’re here late. Did you pull a late duty shift?”

Tom shook his head. “No, I was on the holodeck, working on a new program.”

“Really?” Kes rounded the table to stand opposite his chair. The few times she had seen Tom in the Mess Hall, he usually was alone. Once or twice, she’d seen him sitting with Harry Kim. “What’s it about?”

“A re-creation of a bar I knew back in France, on Earth.” Tom offered her a hesitant smile. “It’s not fancy, but it’s got a pool table, and the food and drink are decent.”

“Pool table?” asked Kes, not sure she understood the phrase the Universal Translator had come up with. “You mean, a water sculpture of some sort?”

Tom laughed. “No, ‘pool’ in this case refers to a game, in which you use cue sticks to knock balls into pockets.” At her look of consternation, he added, “Look it up when you get back to your quarters. Believe me, it’s a lot of fun to play.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Kes said with a smile. It never ceased to amaze her, how many different devices the Voyager crew had at their disposal, especially the holodecks which allowed them to create entirely different environments and scenarios altogether. If she lived to be ten years old, she would never tire of the discovery and exploration this ship offered. “If you wouldn’t mind some company, I’d love to see it.”

“Actually, I was planning on making this program public,” Tom said. “I thought maybe this crew could use a place to gather…”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Kes glanced towards the Maquis table, and then back to the other side of the room where the Starfleet officers sat. Three months into their journey through the Delta Quadrant and despite the captain and the first officer insisting that this was _one_ crew, in reality it was the exact opposite. “When will it be done?”

“Maybe a couple of more days. Depends if I can get more programming time. Holodeck reservations are hard to come by.” Tom nodded towards the empty chair. “Why don’t you have a seat?”

“I really shouldn’t. I’ve got to finish up here and then check on Neelix.” Tom looked disappointed, so she sat down. “Maybe just for a couple of minutes.”

Tom glanced at the newly established kitchen. “I haven’t seen him since he was discharged from Sickbay. How is he doing?”

“He’s still undergoing immune suppression therapy, but the Doctor is optimistic that there should be no problems in the future.”

“That’s great news. Cross-species transplants…let’s just say it’s pretty rare for those to work out with no complications.” Tom pushed his bowl away as his expression turned serious. “You really went beyond the call of duty, giving Neelix your lung.”

Kes flushed. “He’s done a lot for me.” She frowned, wondering why that was the first thing that came to mind. Why hadn’t she just answered that she loved Neelix, so of course would do anything for him? She bit back a sigh. The truth was that her feelings for Neelix were complicated. She thought about how desperately she had wanted to see the sun on Ocampa, how she had disregarded her parents’ warnings and made her way through secret passageways in her quest. She had only intended to take one step into the brilliant light, but throwing caution to the wind, she had taken a second, and then a third. Before she knew it, she’d been standing on the yellow sands, shielding her eyes from the sun, and feeling the dusty heat swirl around her. She’d been lost in the moment, but still having every intention of turning back, when the Kazon had approached. Her thrill at seeing new people had swiftly changed to terror and a desperate wish to be safe at home again. The Kazon had taken her prisoner, turned her into a slave. In those thirsty days, subject to abuse and taunts, she thought they would kill her for sure when they tired of her. Her feverish dreams had been filled with memories of her underground life; during her waking moments, she’d whispered apologies to her parents through parched lips. 

“I’d say you’re about even now,” Tom said.

“Even?” Kes asked, thinking it was such a strange way of putting it. “Your step—uh, the captain said this reaffirmed Neelix’s and my connection on another level.”

Tom’s mouth went down at the corners, perhaps at the mention of the captain. Kes had noted that for all their familial connection, he seemed distinctly uncomfortable when references to Janeway came up in casual conversation. “What I meant was, Neelix saved your life, and now you saved his.” He took another spoonful of his orange-hued soup. “And how are _you_ feeling?”

“Ok. Sometimes a little winded, but I’ll get used to it,” Kes said. Even now her chest felt tight; the scar across her thoracic cavity had vanished with several swipes of the dermal regenerator. “The Doctor is looking into treatments to expand my lung capacity. He said he’ll probably end up doing the same for Neelix.” She thought once more how kind to her the Doctor had been throughout this ordeal, and how he’d genuinely seemed to appreciate her help in keeping Neelix calm in Sickbay. The poor man certainly could use some assistance, she thought for the hundredth time. Even if the Doctor _was_ a hologram – and she didn’t understand quite why this distinction was so important to the crew when he played such an essential role – surely he couldn’t be expected to do it all singlehandedly.

“Well, let me know if you need anything,” Tom said. He flashed a smile. “I’m happy to help out.”

“Thank you. And now I really must get back to work.” Kes offered Tom a grateful smile as she continued her rounds. It was nice of Tom Paris to offer his help; she wasn’t sure if she would take him up on it. He had developed quite a reputation on-board as a ladies’ man; Neelix had even called him a walking hormone. She wasn’t quite sure how Neelix would react if she _did_ develop a deeper friendship with Tom. She frowned; why should that matter? It wasn’t like she needed Neelix’s approval - surely, she could pick her own friends. 

The Maquis fell quiet as she passed their table. Kes wished them a good night, but only Chell responded. Neelix had mentioned that he had tried very hard to get to know the Maquis. “But they seem determined to stick to themselves,” Neelix had said, frustration clearly etched on his face. This was something Kes genuinely appreciated about Neelix – his empathy and ability to see where connections needed to be made. “Maybe we should plan an event… I will research cultural holidays. Perhaps something Terran, or maybe Bajoran? Yes. That’s what we need. A holiday to bring people together.”

That had been a week ago and so much had happened since then. Neelix had had a run-in with a new species – the Vidiians – who had helped themselves to his lungs. Faced with the fact that the man who had rescued her from the Kazon would die, Kes had quickly volunteered to donate one of her lungs. Thanks to some borrowed technology from the Vidiians, the Doctor was able to perform the transplant successfully. It wasn’t lost on Kes, however, that while the Vidiians’ technology had made the transplant possible, if it hadn’t been _for_ the Vidiians, both she and Neelix would still have both their original organs.

Kes bit back a yawn. She had last seen Neelix just before breakfast. She had wanted to check in on him in the afternoon, but instead, she had ended up going to Sickbay because she was feeling tired and wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. The Doctor had confirmed she was recovering well from the transplant and just needed some rest.

She finished recycling all the dishes and smiled in response to Baytart and Bristow’s cheerful good night. A few minutes later, Tom finished eating and left with a nod in her direction. Kes considered the Maquis still sitting in the far corner. There was no rule saying that they couldn’t stay after hours, so she left.

As she made her way to the turbolift, she passed only two people. There were 141 people on _Voyager_ , and with three shifts spread out over 15 decks, most decks were sparsely populated. The exception was the Mess Hall at shift change, which generally coincided with mealtimes. Kes had made a point of trying to get to know everyone on the ship, but she still had moments when names escaped her. She would have to get better at that if she took the Doctor up on his offer to start training as his assistant.

She hadn’t yet told Neelix about that. She wasn’t quite sure what his reaction would be. He had been very excited about his project to convert the captain’s private dining room into a kitchen for the Mess Hall, and he had been convinced that this was a step towards promoting camaraderie between the various members of the crew. She also suspected that the project was a distraction from the truth; they were getting further away from the areas Neelix knew well and she suspected he was worried the further _Voyager_ got from his stomping grounds, the less value Janeway would see in his presence on board. The encounter with the Vidiians had been a perfect example of that and Kes knew that above all, Neelix had a need to be needed.

“Sweeting!” Neelix greeted her as she entered. He was sitting on his sofa, a blanket across his lap, and he looked relaxed. The PADD on his lap indicated he had been reading. The temperature in the room seemed unusually warm and humid to her, but she’d grown up in the cool underground caverns on Ocampa. Perhaps Talax, or rather Rinax, the moon where Neelix said his family had lived, had a naturally higher ambient temperature. It was stifling, but she willed herself to bear the discomfort. She owed Neelix that much.

“Hello,” she said. She primly sat at the far end of the sofa, careful not to jostle him. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better. The Doctor says I can return to duty tomorrow.”

“That’s great news,” Kes said.

“I thought so. The lung has adapted nicely to my physiology. The Doctor sees no reason why I can’t resume normal activities. I plan to be in the Mess Hall two hours before Alpha shift tomorrow. I have a new recipe to try out.” Neelix’s smile was bright, nearly as bright as the Ocampan sun. “How did it go tonight? I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to help you.”

“It’s quite all right,” Kes said, giving him a fond smile. “It went well, and the crew seemed to appreciate the home-cooked meal.” More than a few of the crew had mentioned it was nice not to rely on their increasingly scarce replicator rations.

“Did the captain come by for dinner?” Neelix asked hopefully.

Kes shook her head. “I didn’t see her.”

Neelix seemed disappointed. “Well, I’ll issue her an express invitation tomorrow!” Kes laughed. Neelix was so transparent in his desire to be appreciated. Perhaps aware of what she was thinking, he added, “It will be so good for the crew to see her. You know they draw such strength from her.”

Kes considered his statement. It was certainly true of the original _Voyager_ crew, but she wasn’t so sure about the Maquis. “I’m sure she would appreciate a personal invitation,” Kes said. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Neelix. I was worried about you.” She got to her feet. “You should get some rest.”

“You’re leaving already?” His disappointment was obvious. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning in the kitchen, bright and early!”

Kes hesitated, and then decided to plunge ahead. “The Doctor has offered to train me to work in Sickbay, and I’ve accepted. I will report to him during Alpha shift.”

Neelix’s eyes widened. “Kessy, that’s great!”

Kes let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “I’m glad you think so. I’m really looking forward to it.” It was true. Medical training of any kind hadn’t been something she’d considered previously. If she had remained on Ocampa, this would be the time when she’d have to choose her vocational training. Maybe she would have picked medicine; she really hadn’t given it much thought. But her experience with the Doctor and in Sickbay had given her some confidence that this was a path to follow. “You know I’ve always loved learning new things, and I think this is an area where I really can be very useful,” she said finally.

Neelix nodded. “I agree.” He swung his legs over the side of the sofa and patted the empty spot next to him suggestively. “Are you sure you really need to go?” he said, his tone heavy with innuendo

“Yes, I really do,” she told him. “I’m tired and tomorrow’s going to be a long day.” She took his hand in hers, stroked it lightly, and then gave him a small peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Out in the corridor, she stopped to catch her breath. She felt guilty about leaving Neelix when he clearly wanted companionship. She just didn’t – no, to put it more clearly, she just _couldn’t_. She thought about what Tom had said. _Now you’re even_. It was true, wasn’t it? Neelix had saved her from a life of servitude and abuse at the hands of the Kazon. Why he’d chosen to risk his life to save hers when they barely knew each other – just the one chance meeting during a trade negotiation – had baffled her, but she’d always been grateful. That he then brought her to _Voyager_ , an opportunity that had opened the galaxy to her, had been something more. Leaving the cloistered life she’d known on Ocampa behind hadn’t been difficult. While they were still in communications range with Ocampa, she’d exchanged a few subspace messages with her parents, hoped they understood that she wanted – no, _needed_ – more.

She entered her quarters – just a few doors down from Neelix’s. The space she’d been assigned was generous, and comfortable, much more so than the home she’d had on Ocampa. Again, she felt that tiny pang of homesickness, but firmly pushed it away in favor of accepting the great adventure _Voyager_ promised. There was no telling what the future would bring, but she was excited. She had now journeyed further than any other Ocampan had in centuries and she had Neelix to thank for that. And yet…

Kes put her hand against her chest, feeling the gentle expansion and contraction. Her breath was steady and clear. _We are even now_. 


End file.
